High School

High School is really hard to break down because, I went to three high schools…and they were all different with almost everything. But I will say that it is a horrible place. Nothing you do is gonna feel good enough, and your gonna have a moment every single say where you’re like “ah why did I do that” or “why didn’t I do that”. And you’re gonna run into the bathroom before school before the bell rings and look in the mirror and go “omg what am I wearing”.  At least one time in your high school experience you’re gonna go cry in your car because you saw your bae talking to another girl and it’s gonna make you very upset. That’s happened to me twice. You’re gonna look at all the beautiful people who “have no problems” and straight A’s and scholarships while you’re on the edge of a cliff with AP classes. You’re gonna feel small in a sea with waves of hormones and oh, so much estrogen.  The hallways are crowded and everyone stinks, odors mashing together as well as the gallons of different cologne and perfume. And you’re gonna get shoved against the wall and you’ll drop your things and lose all dignity for a minute but then you’ll pick everything back up and look around and realize your situation really isn’t that bad.

 That kid to the right, his parents got divorced last night and his dad is moving out of state and has to decide which parent go with, right when he gets home. The girl to the left has an eating disorder and she’s about to black out because she’s so hungry so she’s walking into the bathroom  and she’s gonna go into a stall and lock the door and try to gather herself. The small nerdy kid in front of you, just got teased again by the football team and decided today that this school, would be better without him, he’ s taking his life tonight. That beautiful girl on the cheerleading squad is in an abusive relationship. That kid in band, his dad is a famous musician, and everyone is counting on him to be just as good, he goes early and stays after school because his dad makes him, and he doesn’t even like playing his instrument, it’s not his thing, but he doesn’t dare tell that to his dad. Your math teacher just got kicked out of her apartment this morning because she couldn’t pay rent for the month but she still came to school to teach you, and she has no idea where she’s gonna sleep tonight. . And that girl you talk to once in a while in biology is thinking about switching schools because she feels like she doesn’t fit in, and little do you know that she wishes so much that you would talk to her just a little bit more because… she doesn’t have any friends.

You think you’re the only one with problems in High School? Every single person you pass during the day has a problem. You sit by yourself, wondering why no one is reaching out to you, when you aren’t reaching out to anyone either. You stay up late at night studying for that test you have, finishing that project and writing that book report and stress building up so high and you’re wondering why life is so hard and not realizing that there are hundreds of kids who have the same exact classes as you do.

I want you all to wake up every morning with the urge to make someone ELSE’S day, and stop worrying so much about yours. Be someone else’s hero. The biggest struggle you will have in  High School is feeling like you don’t have anyone and feeling alone. But you will go to school  everyday with a brave face and you make it look like nothing is wrong. You’re pro at it. And guess what? So is everyone else.

High school has so many ups and down and you’re gonna wanna quit and switch schools to try to get a fresh start and have new people but you also don’t realize that High School is where you’re supposed to find yourself, and face hard things. Don’t run away from things you can’t handle. Take them on, or just push them out of the way, I recommend the second one, yes, it’s possible. You are in control, High school is what you make of it and YOU are what you make of yourself. Walking out of graduation is walking out of the worst and best stage you’ll have in your life. Help other people, and it will help you. Don’t forget to look around. Oh, And Put your phone away in that few minutes teachers give you before the bell rings for class and after class, or else you’ll miss out on some things.

I'm Still Gonna Post Stuff

YAAA I dropped out of the class. sorry guys.....


I had an extra .325 credit, so that means I could drop one class for last term. And it had to be a last period cuz I take my sister to school everyday but she's able to get a ride home. And I chose creative writing because, unlike my last period on B day, people talked to me and I have friends in there.


You are all SO nice, but it sucked for me. Because it was hard not having a friend in the class when it felt like every single person in the class was friends with each other. I hope that made sense. A4 was my least favorite class out of all of them. I'm sorry. Nelson, you still rock my socks and my sister is a sophomore and I told her that she HAD to take your class, cuz it was awesome.


I also dropped out because I took CW1 at Lehi High, and ummm.... creative writing was NOT the same at Lehi. At Lehi, the teacher would hand out cookies and be like "Right a 30 line poem about this cookie and then turn it in". and then here it's like, deep, and shiz. So I felt really behind and stupid.


SO THERE YA GO.


Love you all, I promise I don't hate you.


I know have a "bratty face", and you guys probably thought I was a brat. I get told that by so many people. It's just my face. I literally can't do anything about it. My straight face is apparently a look someone has when they are planning a murder. I honestly apologize if I scared anyone.

Need your day made? Click here

Watch thiss.....


This is true love




and then this..


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQY4dIxY1H4

1 a.m. thoughts

I usually go to bed around 9 or 10, cuz I love sleep. But right now, I just got finished watching almost every YouTube video there is associated with Maddie Zielger. She's 12 years old, but she is LITERAL GOALS. If you don't know who she is, she is the one that dances in all of the Sia videos, and she's also on Dance Moms, so there ya go.


Now my eyes are tired and they sting from staring at a super bright screen in a super dark room for 4 hours, my bad. I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to turn down my screen-brightness, I found it. So I'm pretty sure I'm not damaging my eyes, that'd be bad.


Right now, I am typing this, while also staring out my window.


I live on a mountain, right above the Traverse Mountain Outlets... and let me tell you... BEST. VIEW.


I promise.


There are so many lights...different colors... and I'm just staring and thinking.


Do you ever look out your window at all of the lights and wonder what's going on where those lights are? Like a house far away, I always wonder if everyone is asleep, or if the whole family is up having a movie-marathon, or if a teenager just barely snuck out, or if parents are fighting, or if someone is getting abused right that second, or even worse.


It freaks me out. I mean, ya, the lights are pretty, but we don't know what's going on beyond them.


It makes me realize that that relates a lot to people.


Just because someone looks pretty, that doesn't mean their life is. You don't know.


Just like staring at a light from far away, but never going to the light and find out where it is and what carries it.... and just like you staring at a person who is smiling and who seems "just fine", so you never go to them. Cuz they don't look like they NEED anyone, or anything, cuz they shine bright... everyone can see them, what else could they need?


The lights you see out your window are people. On the outside, they all look the same, but look deeper.... it's a whole different world.

TO: ALL SUICIDAL PEOPLE

To: All Suicidal People

　

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we don’t understand. But, I’m sorry again, because I don’t think a large majority of people KNOW that they don’t understand. Why don’t they understand? Because they aren’t you. We put on assemblies and programs on suicide prevention. Do they work? No. I think it makes it worse. I, out of a few people, understand that you are numb. Speakers tell you that suicide affects so many people and that it makes people feel really sad and regretful, and they tell you that the people around you love you. You hear it, but you can't feel it, Cuz you’re NUMB. They play happy music and say words that are inspiring and that to me is so backwards. You look around at people being inspiried and being enlightened and then you look at yourself and you hate yourself because you can't feel it, BECAUSE YOU'RE NUMB. That’s like you being trapped in a dark room and having someone dangle a flashlight way above you’re head expecting that to give you the power to jump that high and catch it. People need to realize that they need to get as far down to your level as possible and help you step by step. I get why you don’t want to go to counselors. Because they are happy people and they don’t get it. You wanna know the truth.? No one can bring you out of depression. You have the biggest role. The people who aren’t suicidal can’t prevent suicide. It’s impossible. We can tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but we can’t give it to you. We can tell you that you have a purpose, but we can’t tell you what it is. It’s all talk. It’s ridiculous, and I’m sorry.

　

You're probably wondering why the heck you're reading this. And you're reading this because you're dying to read something that finally helps you, or ACTUALLY makes sense. You're dying to find someone that understands and feels your pain. Well do you know what? That's gonna be really hard. Because, do you wanna talk about your problems openly? Does that sound appealing to you? No. It doesn't. So would'n't it be hard to find someone like you pouring there soul out to strangers on the internet? Yes. It would. And I don't think you'll find it. I'm here to give you the best words I can. I probably won't help you, but like millions of other people, i want to. I want to so bad.

But here are my words to you.

You are strong. You don't feel strong, because depression makes you weak. Depression doesn't just make you feel weak, it makes you so weak that you think you'll never be able to feel strong again. But you are. You are so strong I can't even put in into words. Do you know why I think you're so strong? It's because you're still here. And I'm so proud of you. You get up in the morning, not even wanting to open your eyes, but go to school and you deal with all of the brats and douchebags in the hallway on top of the way your feeling and honestly that is such a superpower. But you need to realize something, you are not alone. You might only see people smiling, which makes you feel even worse, but just because someone is smiling that does not mean that they are happy. You have to get that through your head. But you don't know who is depressed, because no one talks about it. And that's such a problem. If you are suicidal and you are reading this..... again....YOU ARE STRONG, BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL HERE. I KNOW you don't feel strong, because that's normal. But you are. And you can't do this by yourself. Getting out of this or at least getting better is your CHOICE. TALK ABOUT IT. I want you to start from the beginning of time until the present. Pouring everything out is the BEST therapy. I know you won't admit it, but you want to get everything out, I know you do.

Life can SUCK, I know.

Many things about life piss me off but know that everything is going to be okay. I know you don't feel like you have a purpose, and it's SO easy to feel like you don't. But I'm gonna be honest, you can go through life and die old and never know what your purpose was. You might grow up and be a doctor, a teacher, or even a manager for a store, and you might think "That's my purpose", but there's a chance that that won't even be it. Purposes can be big and small. Your purpose might have been to say Hi to that lonely girl in the hallway, you might have saved her life. Your purpose might have been becoming good friends with someone who you didn't know was longing for a friend, and you saved her.

So, bascially, your purpose can range from saying Hi to someone to becoming Presidant of the United States of America. You don't know. And you probably never will. But know that YOU HAVE ONE. You are on this earth for a reason, and it's a beautiful reason. And life is beautiful. Life seems sucky right now, I know, but you have to change your perspective, right now. I wrote a song a while ago and a line in it is "cuz today, I'm on top of the world cuz I chose to be". Life is about perspective, it's about how you look at things. Something bad can happen to you and you can let yourself get discouraged about it, or you can be like "UH-UH, NOPE. I am gonna smile and move on, I'm not gonna let this ruin my day."

It's your choice.

TO ALL SUICIDAL PEOPLE.

PUSH SUICIDE OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

RIGHT NOW.

You have a purpose. And you're gonna grow up, get a job, fall in love, make a family, become a parent, become a grandparent, and then die old and gray, like you're supposed to. Don't make a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When people say "The whole world is here for you," they mean it. But the world is only here for you if you trust the world, and if you trust the people around you. You think no one in school cares about you but maybe that's because you're not letting people know what you're going through and you aren't letting them care. YOU need to open up the curtains and let the light in, and open the door and let people in.

 It's time.

  You can do it.

Nelson, Is Lone Peak Broken?

Ok, when I get asked a question on the spot in front of 40 people, my face heats up and i get super nervous and I stop breathing. And today, I got asked if Lone Peak was broken during class, and I had no clue what to say, and I said "I've never really been this sad at school before, so that's different." which is true... but now that I have had time to think... the answer is a big NO.


There was a suicide at Lehi High when I went there first semester. And the next day, not a lot of people dressed up, not a lot of people talked about it, and the hallways were full of life, laughs and smiles. Even in class, I didn't hear one thing about it, and none of the teachers mentioned it either. Now, I thought this was normal, this the first time I had experienced something like that. But when I got to this school, and the same thing happened, the atmosphere was so much different and people were so much more respectful.


As sad as it is, I think things like this bring students closer. I saw so many hugs in the hallway today. And so many people where talking about it, and half of the school was dressed up. Now, I don't know about you, but I think this school is pretty strong. Not even close to broken. I am proud of what I saw today.


GO LONE PEAK

"Create A Song You Wish Existed"

I always say to myself... "Create a song that you wish existed".

And that's what I did.

This link below is a song that is extremely important to me.

Two years ago, I went  through something pretty hard. And if you know me, which no one in the class does, my life is all about music. ALL OF IT. When something in life hits me, I hit up Youtube, and I let the words that are so relatable pour into me. But two years ago, I couldn't find a song that related to me enough, so I wrote one. And I listen to it all the time, I hope that's not weird. It's the rough draft, but Nelson loves rough drafts... so here you go.

Hold On: by Mallory Ownbey